Raves and Reservations

Can I see myself living in Minnesota yet? I'm approaching the end of week 5 here and I've enjoyed myself so much that I wish it wouldn't end so soon! I feel like I'm in grade school, dreading the end of the summer because that means I have to go to school and do homework every day again...for nine months! Really, the only difference is that come the end of this summer, I have 9 months of school before I graduate from college with a BSN and don't have to stare at another school year unless I decide I want to get a master's degree. Nine months to weigh the pros and cons, to decide if Mayo is home. That's a big decision!

And for the first time in five weeks, I'm feeling the absence of things that I left in California. It's not the weather or the cities. No, it's a little deeper than that. I miss my church family and consistency of solid meat on the table and conversation is hearty. I miss the security of my brother's hugs. I miss my family. The pangs jab deeper still when I think of the implications of having fallen hard for Rochester and Mayo. I expected to miss these things, but I never seriously considered that Rochester would win me over. I mean, usually I'm stubbornly opposed to falling for the wily tricks that others fall prey to.

I've handled living 400 miles from my parents and brother for the past four years. It's been hard at times, but by and large bearable. I have found that I can be content with wherever the Lord has me because I will always be a stranger in a foreign land until I go Home. However, two thousand miles isn't as easy a trip to make, especially when I consider that all of my friends will probably stay in SoCal and my family is in NorCal. I don't like the idea of being this far away should my brother and sister-in-law start having kids. (If you guys are reading this, please don't feel pressured...It's just a thought that occurred to me!) And, here we go with it...I've been fully warned by a fellow San Franciscan who moved out here with her husband that if I meet my husband out here I might as well kiss ever moving back to the West Coast good-bye. Supposedly, the families out here stick together and the boys don't like moving far. Oh, and she said that it's hard to form deep relationships with people as an adult because everyone in town grew up together and they have history. Midwesterners are friendly acquaintances, per this coworker. Contrast that with the City (San Francisco)...Good night! I thought that it was hard to break into the California scene but apparently it's hard everywhere! (People amuse me!)


Last reservation, not that it's most important, but I think I'd miss the beautiful NorCal seasons. I hear that Minnesota winters are wickedly long, frigid with feet of snow. I like visiting snow, like Tahoe and Utah back when my grandparents lived there, but living in it is a ton of work and I'd probably get stir crazy, cabin fever, and every other kind of unsettled if I had to move to a climate that requires a whole new wardrobe! It's probably a good thing that I've always fancied fall clothing because you can layer more than during the summer. ;)

Doubts

I'm the type of person who invariably gets cold feet. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I'm shy and a pro "philosiphizer," as my friend Chrissy puts it. I replay scenarios in my head over and over again, questioning motives, analyzing statements, and dreading unpleasant outcomes. It's a drag that comes with being a certain breed of introvert.

My first night in Minnesota didn't spare me the throes of my personality and I hated myself for getting on the plane. As much as I loved the green-ness of the state, I didn't feel like I should be here. But knowing myself so well, I remembered a life lesson that I got when I went skydiving a couple years back: Stop thinking and jump! Below is a journal entry from Sunday, June 6, the night of my arrival. It's pretty raw.

"My mind is reeling from all the uncertainty in my heart, from all the questions in my mind. Do I really belong here? Will my roommates and I actually enjoy being roommates, or will we despise each other? Will my unit be accepting? Will I fit in with the other Summer III interns or will I play the outcast? I'm sure that Midwesterners have a preconceived idea about what a California girl is like...maybe something like Katy Perry...but I never fit anyone's mold. I've always felt like an outsider, and I usually don't mind it too much, because I know who I am and what I'm about. I'm a daughter of the Most High and I need no man's approval...but this could be a wretched summer being so far from everything I've ever known...At least, the Lord as my Rock, I'm not completely ungrounded...

"Lord, I feel like I shouldn't be here, like I'm here on a ruse and soon enough, my clinical coach and Mayo will find me out. Sure, I'm one of the 110 interns this summer, but I wasn't one of the original 110. I was one of the 25 who were wait listed. And then, with some turn of fate (aka the all-sovereign God of the universe pulled some providential strings), they called me on February 14th to say that they had an opening and wanted to offer me the job because I had "stood out to them because of the phone call" I made...one little phone call to ask what the likelihood of getting off the wait list and signed on for the summer actually was! (I was on Cloud Nine that day and it didn't occur to me why some of my friends were in such a dismal mood until halfway through the day when I realized that it was Valentine's Day. Silly me...)


"I'm not prepared to be here. All I want to do is isolate myself and that won't help the roommate situation. I don't feel like socializing...You know how hard this is after going through this past year. Plus, I'm dog-tired from traveling. Hopefully, my roommates will understand. 

"God, do I belong here? I want to cry, my eyes are bursting. Do you really want me to be a RN? I don't know how it can be if I feel so utterly incompetent, so shamefully inadequate!

"Thank you for providing for me today--all the meals, smooth traveling, friendly people (like the guy who helped me carry my luggage to the townhouse this evening). Please help me rest well to socialize tomorrow. This time, this summer, is Yours."

First Impressions

Hello, Minnesota crop circles!

Flight 627 from LAX bumped down the runway causing a bolt of nervous energy to rush into my muscles. I was shaking in my Rainbow sandals. I thought I might pee my pants for the first time in my adult life! Maybe it was the caffeine, or the lack of sleep, or the fact that I was 2,000 miles from home, didn't have a car, and knew no one. Of one thing I was confident: I was petrified in this strange land and wanted to hop right on the next plane to California and bury myself in the comforting embrace of my parents.

"Lord, I'm gonna trust you. You are faithful and entirely good. There is no doubt in my mind that this opportunity came directly from you, but if things start off bad, I don't know if I can bear living here for ten weeks. I know you brought me here for a reason, but I'm scared. After this past year, I can't take any more pain and suffering. Please, help me trust you long enough to buckle myself into that shuttle waiting for me outside the terminal. You are my God, the God who goes before His people. I trust that you go before me."

[deep breath]

I grabbed my luggage and headed out the door to wait for my shuttle from MSP to Rochester. The automatic doors slid open and a hot, humid wall of air assaulted me. Friends from back home (namely, Kayla and Anne) warned me about this (and the mosquitoes that assaulted me later that night when I called my mom for the second time that day). Of course, I was already making comparisons. Analyzing and over-analyzing is a well-honed talent of mine and the differences were blaring.

You already know that I grew up in the suburbs of San Francisco and then transplanted to the suburbs of Los Angeles--two highly diverse, metropolitan areas. Well, I landed in the "Twin Cities," a place that I endearingly call the land of blonde-haired, blue-eyed giants. They must eat something special out here because I look around myself and my 5-foot-3 frame is dwarfed by everyone in the 6-foot-plus club...Somehow, my dad's 6-4- tall genes didn't make it into my phenotype. In all honesty, I've NEVER seen so many white people in my life, nor have I gone so long hearing people speak only English! I realize the irony of this observation--I'm about as fair-skinned as they come and have my dad's steely blue eyes and the milkman's honey-blonde hair. Back to comparisons...here, there are a lot of black people driving cabs. Back home, there are a lot of Arabs and Indians who drive cabs.

It was Sunday and I was exhausted at the thought of having to unpack and get up early for a full day of orientation in the morning. Thankfully, the shuttle driver obliged me by answering my occasional questions and didn't feel the need to fill all of the silence during the two-hour drive, in which I was his sole passenger. (Sorry for the run-on.) I spent most of the drive staring out the window taking it all in, which seems to be a theme on this adventure.

Minnesota is gorgeous with green covering every knoll and rolling cornfield. The trees are thick between properties providing a more serene privacy than the fences of California. And the houses are spread out at least a half mile along the highways. The driver made a remark about how laughable the St. Paul skyline must be in comparison to the skylines I'm used to. I guess it is a little when you consider that where I'm from, when you look out a window, all you see is building on top of building as far as the eye can see. I learned a few other shocking things: It's illegal to buy alcohol from the store on Sundays. Motorcycle riders are crazy out here. They don't wear helmets because it's not the law like it is in California! (Granted there's more traffic in CA but still, there ain't no way you make it out of a highway motorcycle crash alive if you aren't wearing a helmet!)

Things to Hit Up

 While I'm here out in the Midwest, I'm gonna try to squeeze in as many experiences as I can since it may be the only chance I ever get.  This list is the product of suggestions from co-workers, friends, professors, and my own fascination with learning about other cultures. (Yes, the Midwestern culture is a far cry from the California I grew up in so I have yet a lot of hours of learning ahead of me!)

Events

• Twins game at Target Field
• Rochester Honkers game
• Rochesterfest
• Thursdays on 1st
• Pine Island Cheese Fest 
• Olmstead County Fair

Restaurants

• Bilotti's Italian Village
• Pescara
• ZZest
• Pannekoeken Restaurant
• John Hardy's BBQ
• Newt's
• 300 First 
• Victoria's
• Flapdoodles Homemade Ice Cream

Places/Random

• Mall of America
• Tubing
• Missouri
• Chicago, Illinois
• Iowa
• Duluth, MN
• Dairy farm
• Mayowood Mansion
• Motocross race
• Horseback riding
• Wine tasting
• Amish tour
• Wisconsin Dells
• Valleyfair
• Lake Minnetonka